Today Is The Greatest Day I've Ever Known

2 major things happened to my eyes and ears today.

1. Nirvana's Breed on a video game commercial for MLB 2007.

2. this:

If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Now

• A Fox comedy sitcom starring Jennifer Coolidge living in LA.


• Sandra Tsing Loh's first novel about wannabe Hollywooders.


• The reoccuring theme (including Winona Ryder's diary entry) in Girl, Interrupted.


• Folk-rock album by The Nields (featuring sisters Katryna and Nerissa Nields) released in 2000.


• Song by the sissiest band that you're allowed to like, The Lucksmiths.


There's a theme here.

I Wish I Had A Gift Like This...

Do I have to ask ya, to cut the cackle,
'bout a snake in a south mouth, or a cooter canal path
Milky home cookin' and a shake in the shackle, like a nervously calm noose
Hey sometimes we act like animals, like we act sometimes like little girls
Do I have to ask ya, do I have to ask ya
Do I have to tell ya, do I have to tell ya
To avoid the sharp teeth of a suckling brat child
Help me tear the twins all away from their mothers
Give 'em some go slow, just to shut their clam traps shut
Hey sometimes we act like animals, like we act sometimes like little girls
An off duty clown always conjures up hoopla
when she's sniffin' up snail tracks or steppin' on slug backs
Hey sometimes, hey sometimes, hey sometimes
Hey sometimes we act like animals, like we act sometimes like little girls
Hey sometimes we act like animals, like we act sometimes like little girls
Hey sometimes we act like animals, like we act sometimes like little girls
Hey sometimes we act like animals, like we act sometimes like little girls
Hey sometimes we act like animals, like we act sometimes like little girls
Hey sometimes we act like animals, like we act sometimes like little girls
Hey sometimes we act like
Why do we all men pay attention to a wiggly waist line
Do I hate (have) to ask ya, do I hate (have) to ask ya,
do I hate(have) to ask ya, do I hate (have) to tell ya
Hey sometimes, hey sometimes, sometimes

The Jesus Lizard / South Mouth

I Need...

...some blackstrap molasses for my rice milk.

...a boston terrier with down sydrome to romp around the yard with.

...someone to enjoy sesame seed butter and rice mallow sandwiches with me at 3 in the morning.

Bacardi 151

"Israel, I need to impart some wisdom on you...listen, truer words have never been spoken...
...you're a good good man." -me.



"if your belly button creates a meal for someone, there is definitely something wrong with you." -josh e.




"demon semen" -Israel referencing the drink in question.

Damn The Day I Found Out There's No Monsters

I miss you, Creature from the Black Lagoon....

Such A Day As This

Chip-Chip Charlie and The Admiral Bojéy (aka The Frenchman) went head to head in a (new) classic battle. Naturally I caddied for my good man Chuck.

Ode To Some Country Bumpkins

Sawing Logs, as in "manufacturing some ZZZ's"
Sour Mash, as in distilling whiskey like a sourdough loaf
Sour Grapes, as in The Descendent's song, the villian from Strawberry Shortcake, and Baptiste's love life
Barn Sour, as in a homebody horse (and the future of Root Beer brewing!)
Stationary, as in a good workout
Stationery, as in a good wedding invite

Top 10 Albums Of 2006

10| Saves The Day / Sound The Alarm

Nowhere near as good as Through Being Cool but a thousand times better than In Reverie.






9| Radio Dept. / Pet Grief

No really, songs for mourning your dead cat Chumley.







8| Danielson / Ships

"Put your trumpet on the tip and then sniff"







7| Mastadon / Blood Mountain

The new soundtrack to every D&D kid's wet dream and possibly one of the best Metal albums to come out in the last decade.





6| Destroyer / Rubies

I hate long songs (Case in point: I think Joanna Newsom Y's is one of the most disappointing albums of the year). But Destroyer's Rubies is a classic record and it starts off with a 9-minute faux pas.




5| Said Sower / We Are Not Consumed

Zao Splinter Shards..., Strongarm Advent of a Miracle, 100 Portraits and Waterdeep Enter the Worship Circle, The Innocence Mission Christ Is My Hope, Said Sower We Are Not Consumed. (A list of all the worship albums I've ever liked).




4| The Thermals / The Body, The Blood, The Machine

I thought I wouldn't like this album because of its anti-Christian theme. I was wrong.






3| Half-Handed Cloud / Halos and Lassos

More slightly deranged and glorious sunday school songs by one of my favorite artists.






2| My Brightest Diamond / Bring Me The Workhorse

Songs about a DYING/DEAD girl, dragonfly, robin, rabbit(s), and horse.






1| Birdman & Lil' Wayne / Like Father, Like Son

The first ten times I heard the "Bitch I go so hard" voice...I fell on the ground.

I Wanna Live In Another Town

The 2006/2007 Winter Mix is complete!
This year's theme is: Songs For Wishing You Were Somewhere/Someone Else.
They have been limited to 20 hand-screened covers...if you would like one please email me at: petito@tightslice.com

ps. I greatly apologize for those of you who requested the 2005 Winter Mix and never got one. Don't feel too bad, I never made them.

Top 5 Internet Infatuations That Will Never Be Pursued

For those of you who know me pretty well, you know that when it comes to love/romance/courtship, I would much rather live in a fantasy world instead of carrying out a real-life relationship (I've been saying for a long time now that my "dream girl" would live in another state/country without internet or telephone capabilities; an efficient postal system will suffice quite nicely). I'll be the first to admit that these tendencies are unhealthy and most assuredly, I have deep-rooted issues.

I'll also admit that in my younger years (AOL 2.0) I was prone to starting relationships over the internet that blossomed into something more tangible, including letters and packages (even old shoes), deadly mix tapes, and eventually, meetings in person. After a few emotional and troublesome encounters (brought on almost entirely by yours truly), I've learned a few things about myself. The most applicable lesson revealing that the whole process of "finding" some sort of love interest over the internet is quite unromantic and doesn't leave much room for fate/destiny/other words that make you roll your eyes. Meeting someone online is like reading a book where you can construct your favorite characters according to your fantasies. Then the movie comes out and you're sorely disappointed by the way the characters are portrayed, just like when you actually meet that real person you built up in your mind via cyberspace. It's even worse when you have unrealistic/perfectionistic expectations for that person (like me). Ultimately these ideas can be summed up in an exclamation my friends and I started saying sometime back before I dropped out of college:

"I WILL NOT MEET MY WIFE ONLINE!"

(I'd like to point out that two of my friends who championed this phrase/idea at one point or another now find themselves in serious relationships that were started on the world wide web...www.com)

Anyways, enough with the sentimental syrup. Even though I don't pursue online relationships anymore, I'm still a lurker, so let's get to the really juicy junk. Oh and one more thing, I may be a creep but for the record I'd like to point out that all of these crushes were discovered by way of curiousity/boredom while doing legitimate research/legwork/lurking.

Top 5 Internet Infatuations That Will Never Be Pursued

5) Nadine


A few years back, Justin and I went to San Francisco to hang out with Chris Brennan for a week or so. We spent most of the time walking/bike around SF, eating the sickest burritos on the planet, and peeping some of the finest quality ladies I've ever seen in my life. The girls in SF have this style that seems so carefree about their clothes/appearance/attitude and yet they are so full of passion and appreciation for life. Plus they leave those eyebrows thick which inspired the cult phrase: "On the prowl for some SF brow!" A few days after I returned to Orlando I was scoping out Chris's MySpace (it's online) and came across Nadine on one of his comments. She seemed to epitomize the style of SF that I was way into...so I jokingly downloaded her pic and posted it to my desktop (first time I swear). Then Justin and Josh snapped a picture of me making some sicko pose next to it and eventually it got back to Chris and even Nadine, which I think is hilarious! so good. In the end, Nadine just represents my attraction for Salt & Vinny Smelling, High Brow San Francisco Babes!



4) Jodi


My most recent creep based on a Google Image Search for the words "Canadian Tuxedo" (more to be revealed about that later). For some reason Jodi's picture came up and I thought she looked pretty cute, so I clicked on her pic (which brought up a site she writes for, as well as a link to her MySpace profile). Now I don't normally send random messages to strangers on MySpace but I thought Jodi was the type of person who would appreciate the incredible discovery I had made. So we shared some small dialogue (through a few messages) about the situation, which was entertaining, but the point is Jodi is a Midwest Girl Well-Versed in Words who moved to the Big Apple because she is mixing up something Sassy and Saucy for herself. I respect that. Feel free to view her Image Googled HERE (She's pic #4...but please don't overlook #5, #8, or #12).



3) Random Girl from iStock Photo


Another more recent find while perusing www.istockphoto.com. The thing is, I spent $3 in credits for her pictures even though I can't imagine ever using them for design purposes. I know it's pathetic but Random Girl from iStock Photo clearly is a Complete and Amazing Woman based on her Outward Beauty Alone.



2) Amanda


Remember Friendster? It was one of the bigger pre-cursors to MySpace. Not as comprehensive but definitely a good tool for creeping around on the internet. I remember finding Amanda on Friendster after stumbling across her Swedish Pop band, The Busy Band. Her vocals are so sweet (which were also employed in Free Loan Investments) and so is her face! In all honesty my original intentions were to entice her into being Pen Pals but ultimately I decided against it. You can't imagine how badly I'd like to send Candy and Hand Written Correspondence to a Swedish Marshmallow who sings Pop Songs!



1) Stephanie


My favorite/best girl friend in the world, Azuree, is good friends with Greg from Mewithoutyou so his name comes up in the shop (Petito's Tight Slice) every once in awhile. One day I got the bug to check out his MySpace and I happened upon Stephanie. I think that was sometime around the summer of last year. I'm not joking, I've been checking out her MySpace on a pretty regular basis ever since. I know, it's bad...it gets worse. I've heard her voice over the internet (don't ask how) and it's so hilarious and sexy at the same time. I've also made a mix of my favorite songs/bands from or about Canada...of course I'll never send it to her, but it's still pretty fucked up right? Well listen, I can't help it! We're talking about a Creative and Classy French-Canadian Fox who is down with Jesus, Baseball, and The Innocence Mission. There is hope for us all.

Repeat After Me!

As much as you'd like to think so, the grass is never greener.

Some lyrics of late:

Here’s a picture of a skeleton I drew when I missed my friends
The Lucksmiths / I Don't Want To Walk Around Alone No More

And I'm not happy, and I'm not sad
The Smiths / This Night Has Opened My Eyes

And I try to remember if I was ever lonely, if I was ever low? hell, hell yes I was low!
The Thermals / St. Rosa and The Swallows