Top 5 Internet Infatuations That Will Never Be Pursued

For those of you who know me pretty well, you know that when it comes to love/romance/courtship, I would much rather live in a fantasy world instead of carrying out a real-life relationship (I've been saying for a long time now that my "dream girl" would live in another state/country without internet or telephone capabilities; an efficient postal system will suffice quite nicely). I'll be the first to admit that these tendencies are unhealthy and most assuredly, I have deep-rooted issues.

I'll also admit that in my younger years (AOL 2.0) I was prone to starting relationships over the internet that blossomed into something more tangible, including letters and packages (even old shoes), deadly mix tapes, and eventually, meetings in person. After a few emotional and troublesome encounters (brought on almost entirely by yours truly), I've learned a few things about myself. The most applicable lesson revealing that the whole process of "finding" some sort of love interest over the internet is quite unromantic and doesn't leave much room for fate/destiny/other words that make you roll your eyes. Meeting someone online is like reading a book where you can construct your favorite characters according to your fantasies. Then the movie comes out and you're sorely disappointed by the way the characters are portrayed, just like when you actually meet that real person you built up in your mind via cyberspace. It's even worse when you have unrealistic/perfectionistic expectations for that person (like me). Ultimately these ideas can be summed up in an exclamation my friends and I started saying sometime back before I dropped out of college:

"I WILL NOT MEET MY WIFE ONLINE!"

(I'd like to point out that two of my friends who championed this phrase/idea at one point or another now find themselves in serious relationships that were started on the world wide web...www.com)

Anyways, enough with the sentimental syrup. Even though I don't pursue online relationships anymore, I'm still a lurker, so let's get to the really juicy junk. Oh and one more thing, I may be a creep but for the record I'd like to point out that all of these crushes were discovered by way of curiousity/boredom while doing legitimate research/legwork/lurking.

Top 5 Internet Infatuations That Will Never Be Pursued

5) Nadine


A few years back, Justin and I went to San Francisco to hang out with Chris Brennan for a week or so. We spent most of the time walking/bike around SF, eating the sickest burritos on the planet, and peeping some of the finest quality ladies I've ever seen in my life. The girls in SF have this style that seems so carefree about their clothes/appearance/attitude and yet they are so full of passion and appreciation for life. Plus they leave those eyebrows thick which inspired the cult phrase: "On the prowl for some SF brow!" A few days after I returned to Orlando I was scoping out Chris's MySpace (it's online) and came across Nadine on one of his comments. She seemed to epitomize the style of SF that I was way into...so I jokingly downloaded her pic and posted it to my desktop (first time I swear). Then Justin and Josh snapped a picture of me making some sicko pose next to it and eventually it got back to Chris and even Nadine, which I think is hilarious! so good. In the end, Nadine just represents my attraction for Salt & Vinny Smelling, High Brow San Francisco Babes!



4) Jodi


My most recent creep based on a Google Image Search for the words "Canadian Tuxedo" (more to be revealed about that later). For some reason Jodi's picture came up and I thought she looked pretty cute, so I clicked on her pic (which brought up a site she writes for, as well as a link to her MySpace profile). Now I don't normally send random messages to strangers on MySpace but I thought Jodi was the type of person who would appreciate the incredible discovery I had made. So we shared some small dialogue (through a few messages) about the situation, which was entertaining, but the point is Jodi is a Midwest Girl Well-Versed in Words who moved to the Big Apple because she is mixing up something Sassy and Saucy for herself. I respect that. Feel free to view her Image Googled HERE (She's pic #4...but please don't overlook #5, #8, or #12).



3) Random Girl from iStock Photo


Another more recent find while perusing www.istockphoto.com. The thing is, I spent $3 in credits for her pictures even though I can't imagine ever using them for design purposes. I know it's pathetic but Random Girl from iStock Photo clearly is a Complete and Amazing Woman based on her Outward Beauty Alone.



2) Amanda


Remember Friendster? It was one of the bigger pre-cursors to MySpace. Not as comprehensive but definitely a good tool for creeping around on the internet. I remember finding Amanda on Friendster after stumbling across her Swedish Pop band, The Busy Band. Her vocals are so sweet (which were also employed in Free Loan Investments) and so is her face! In all honesty my original intentions were to entice her into being Pen Pals but ultimately I decided against it. You can't imagine how badly I'd like to send Candy and Hand Written Correspondence to a Swedish Marshmallow who sings Pop Songs!



1) Stephanie


My favorite/best girl friend in the world, Azuree, is good friends with Greg from Mewithoutyou so his name comes up in the shop (Petito's Tight Slice) every once in awhile. One day I got the bug to check out his MySpace and I happened upon Stephanie. I think that was sometime around the summer of last year. I'm not joking, I've been checking out her MySpace on a pretty regular basis ever since. I know, it's bad...it gets worse. I've heard her voice over the internet (don't ask how) and it's so hilarious and sexy at the same time. I've also made a mix of my favorite songs/bands from or about Canada...of course I'll never send it to her, but it's still pretty fucked up right? Well listen, I can't help it! We're talking about a Creative and Classy French-Canadian Fox who is down with Jesus, Baseball, and The Innocence Mission. There is hope for us all.